Love Yourself For Mother's Day

I love being a mother.

Not every single nanosecond of the time, but for the most part, I love it.

For Mother’s Day, I honor all the mothers of the world and celebrate the joys that come with motherhood.

  • We get to cuddle our little ones and indulge our senses with their baby-soft skin and sweet smells.
  • Mothers are permitted to raise our voices for our children’s benefit, so we can belt out our cheers, ballads, and anthems, vibrating with love, absolved of pitch.
  • Women who have had children even have a significantly reduced risk of breast cancer.
  • As a token, we get a little tax benefit for having kids, and some legal protection for time off from work.
  • And for Mother’s Day, we might even get a little something from our kids or from others who want to acknowledge us.

By far, the most important acknowledgment a mother can receive is from herself.  No one knows the depths you’ve been to but you.   And no one can pay you better homage than you.

Right now, I invite you to privately look in the mirror and take 5 minutes to thank the person in front of you.  Encourage her.  Praise her.  Tell her you love her and believe in her.  Tell her she’s hot!  Let her laugh, cry, but don’t let her hide.  Give her permission to receive and embrace every word, and to shine.  She shines for herself, for her children, and for her world.

This Mother’s Day and every day, appreciate yourself, acknowledge yourself, honor yourself, love yourself.  You are amazing – thank you for EVERYTHING that you are and do.

Please share this with the mothers you love, and leave a comment about your Mother’s Day experience.

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Underwood Family Farms Field Trip with Kim Shirley

Our Mommy and Me class is on a field trip at Underwood Family Farms picking strawberries. Teacher Kim Shirley’s field trip classes are a blast! She is the best kept secret in the San Fernando Valley, and her classes are great for parents and kids.

Registration is now open for her Summer program in the LA area.  Get great discounts for Mommy and Me Field Trips.  Contact her for more information at 661-904-7211 or visit TeacherKimShirley.com.

If you have enjoyed Underwood Family Farms or Kim Shirley’s classes, please comment below or share this video with your friends.  Thanks!

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3 Parenting Tips From A Ferris Wheel

httpv://youtu.be/0Giq_alfUQ8

While the kids are having fun with their grandparents, Sherlyn Pang Luedtke and her husband are on a date at Pacific Park at Santa Monica Beach / Pier.

Can you tell that Sherlyn is out of her comfort zone? What you cannot see is her hand clutching her husband’s.

Have you had a chance to play lately? Please comment below and share this video.

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How To Stay Healthy With Your Sick Child

When your child comes home with a cold, the pressure is on to contain the germs.  Here are several ways to keep illness at bay when it makes its way into your home:

1.                Wash your hands – I realize we are constantly reminded to do this, but it is the number one way to get rid of germs.  Don’t get sloppy, get zealous, especially if you have little kids around.

2.                Laugh – laughter and happy feelings boost the immune system, promote deep breathing, and reduce stress.

3.                Get fresh air – even in the winter months, take a few minutes to get some sunshine and fresh air instead of being sequestered at home.

4.                Eat fresh fruits and vegetables – these have wonderful vitamins, minerals, antioxidants, and fiber that can keep your body ready to deal with any invaders.  They are a better choice than sugary foods which limit the effectiveness of your germ-fighting white blood cells.

5.                Drink lots of water – staying well-hydrated can help your body flush out waste and can support the body in producing the health-restoring chemicals it needs.

6.                Get plenty of sleep – your body repairs itself when you sleep.  Most people need 8 hours but actually get a lot less and wonder why they need stimulants like caffeine to be productive.

7.                Take care of yourself – when you are healthy, you are in the best position to serve your family.

8.                Forgive yourself – worry and fear do damage to your immune system.  If, despite your best efforts, you or others in your home get taken down by the resident bug, be gentle with yourself, recognize yourself for doing your best, and let yourself heal.  It might be your body’s way of telling you to slow down and enjoy life.

I am following this advice as I nurse my son back to health.  If it has helped you or if you have something to add, please comment below and share this link.  Wishing you a healthy and happy season!

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Lessons Learned When a Taunted Girl Dies

I was shocked to read in Kim Carollo‘s ABC News story, Kathleen Edward, Girl Taunted Online While Battling Huntington’s Disease, Dies, that a 33-year-old woman and mother taunted her 9-year-old girl neighbor, Kathleen Edward, with such spite.

Social development is not an automatic result of being an adult.  As parents, we have a responsibility to continue our own learning, growth, and development, not just for our sake, but for the sake of our kids.

Regardless of how essential, and beneficial, it is to be civil in our society, we could use more skillful training in it.  Lecturing about and mandating civility and compassion will not accomplish it.  Instead, asking reflective questions will get adults and kids to evaluate their own behavior and make changes.

When you find yourself or someone about to do something destructive, ask:

  • What is the best way to respond in this situation?
  • What can I do to get what I want?
  • How could I turn this situation around?
  • What would be a win-win for everyone?
  • What could I do differently?

Too often, there is no time for asking and listening, only reacting and escalating.  If this post has given you a chance to reflect on your own choices, please comment and share.

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A New Year With Success

“Success means we go to sleep at night knowing that our talents and abilities were used in a way that served others.” – Marianne Williamson

Every new year brings hopes for things to be different, even better than the year before.  We want to feel joy and ease, and experience success.  Our success as parents can be measured in the way we love unconditionally, connect deeply with our children, acknowledge the contributions that we and others make.  All of these actions serve our families and communities.

Many parents, however, feel unsuccessful.  They are disappointed by their results and doubt their abilities.  They are worried about their situation in life and this worry can take a toll on their relationships with their children.  I have noticed that parents experience many successes throughout the day, but as they frantically move from one situation to the next, they miss the chance to celebrate their wins.  Some successes are even judged as trivial and minimized.  Parents might even look at their “to do” list and ignore the nine things they did and get hung up on the one thing that they did not do.

Instead of discounting your success, start acknowledging them daily.  Acknowledge how you share your gifts and talents and how you actively make your home and community a better place.  Acknowledge your ability to set an intention and follow through, even if that intention is as humble as taking a shower.  A win is a win.  Everything counts!

As you build the habit of acknowledging your successes, be gentle with yourself and focus on what you do accomplish.  Raising kids is no small task, so give yourself some credit!  Direct your attention to your successes by starting a daily success journal.  Every night before you go to bed, write down at least five successes you had that day.  They could be anything from staying calm with your screaming toddler to winning a multi-million dollar contract.  You will naturally feel more successful as you track your successes.

It has been said that success breeds success, and you cannot truly be successful unless you feel successful.  In fact, feeling successful is what attracts more success into your life.  Start your 2012 success journal today and watch what happens.

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Give The Gift Of You

What do you think your child wants most?  You guessed it – you!  Before you start feeling overwhelmed, consider that a study published in Family Circle magazine notes that while mothers in 1959 reported playing with their child about 275 hours a year or 23 hours a month, by 1983 the time had shrunk to only 75 hours a year or about 6 hours a month.

When people play, they tap into right brain functions like creativity and imagination which supports their productivity and resourcefulness.  Children’s work is play because that is how they learn and discover.  When parents are fully present and engaged, instead of listening to the chatter in their minds what they “should” be doing, they also can learn, discover, have fun, relax, release stress, and become healthier.  They can also have stronger connections and influence with their kids.  When you get back to joy of childhood through play, your kids can see you as relatable and human.  It brings you together, and helps you enjoy parenting more.

You might be wondering how to make the time to play when you have so much work to do.  If that’s the case, you cannot afford not to play, for your own sake.  You are missing out on the juiciness of parenting if you are not enjoying your kids.  If you want to model a fulfilling, meaningful life for your kids to repeat when they are adults, then follow these simple steps to play like a kid again:

1.                  Recognize That Play Is Important
Play and relaxation have a critical place in a busy world.  When you take the time to have fun and rejuvenate, you are more productive and have more stamina in the long run.  The last thing you or your kids want is for you to burn out.

2.                  Make Play A Priority And Schedule It
While it might feel mechanical, putting something on the calendar helps it get done, especially if you have your child looking forward to it and holding you accountable for this intentional time.

3.                  Choose An Activity You Both Enjoy
It has to be fun for you and your child.  Resentment may build if you choose something just because your kid likes it.  Make sure the activity means something to you, too.

4.                  Be Present And Focused
Do what you can to safeguard this time from distractions.  This includes mental and emotional worries or guilt, as well as phone calls and other outer world interruptions.

5.                  Consider Adjustments To Make For Next Time
This is not a one-time deal.  I’m advising that you do as much of it as you can, at least 6 hours monthly, to help increase the average of mom’s play time.  Learn from what didn’t work and create an even better experience next time.

Playing with your child does a lot to strengthen your relationship with your child.  And as a nice side effect, you can increase your own productivity and enjoyment of life, too.

Walt Whitman said, “When I give, I give myself.”  Your mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical presence is the greatest gift you can give your child.  Will you find a way this holiday season to afford them that gift?  Please comment below and share this with other parents who might want to play, too.

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How To Choose A Toy For Your Child

With all the toys on the market, it can be challenging to choose a toy for your child.  Parents often buy the biggest and best only to find their child bored, frustrated, or not engaged with their gift.  While a child may beg for the flashy new toy they just saw on a commercial, it may not be the wisest decision to run out and get it for them without considering a few things first.

1.                 Safety

Always check the safety of the object.  Ask yourself, “would I be completely confident that my child will be okay playing with this toy unattended?”

2.                 Age Appropriateness

Can my child understand how to use it?  My son received building sets as gifts and but because they were for older kids, he occasionally felt very frustrated and needed a lot of help.  Some toys might be too fragile for smaller kids to handle.

3.                 Learning

Determine whether the toy is educational in any way.  Think about what it can teach your child, or how it might inspire his imagination.  How might it engage both left brain analysis and right brain creativity and storytelling?

4.                 Multi-Sensory

Does it get your child to use all of his senses?  And does it have a silent button (to preserve the parents’ senses)?  Also, toys or games that get kids to move help children work their sense of body position and balance.

5.                 Entertainment

Consider whether or not this toy can keep your child very active and busy.  Does it help promote social interaction or independent focus, and does it add variety to his toy collection?

While no one can predict with 100% accuracy which toys will be a hit with your child, remember that the best toy is not always the most expensive or the one with the most lights and sounds.  Choose one that meets your criteria and give it with love.  If all else fails, they can always play with the box.

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Celebrity Mom Katie Holmes Has Moments, Too

httpv://youtu.be/Tow1CxDGEaE

It’s challenging enough to be a mom, but being followed by photographers who document your whole life can be too much.  Katie Holmes is wonderfully sincere as she describes her daughter’s accidental encounter with adult-themed candy, photographed by papa razzi.

We can learn a few lessons here:

  1. Recognize that information out of context can be misinterpreted.

Anyone can take an isolated incident and run rampant with it.  As awkward as it seems to have a picture of a child with those gummies, I am inclined to give mom the benefit of the doubt.  Every parent has moments they would like to forget.  Not every parent has the luxury of obscurity.  I’m grateful my moments have very little chance of being viewed by millions of people.  How about you?

  1. Watch your own tendency to judge.

Some of you might be inclined to protest all non-bear gummies, or criticize Ellen Degeneres, or Katie Holmes.  You don’t have to agree with someone, and chances are that you won’t.  Regardless, if you expend energy on debating who is right or who is wrong, that’s less energy you have for your own parenting and your own life.  I don’t know about you, but I need every ounce of energy I can muster to keep up with my kids and my life.  Judgment and criticism also block understanding, connection, empathy, and your ability to influence.  As Stephen Covey said, “seek first to understand, then to be understood”.

  1. Release your need for other people’s approval.

You are setting yourself up for failure if you base your success on what other people think about you.  Their opinion of you is out of your control, and it’s also none of your business, in-laws included.  You can still appreciate and love them unconditionally.  Just be sure that you focus on what is within your control – changing yourself and your behavior.  Stay true to your intention to be the best parent you can be, and be gentle with yourself when you get off track.  And for the record, how your kids behave is only a reflection on you if you say it is.  You are worthy and whole, no matter what your kids do.  If you see a need for improvement, address it, but it doesn’t serve you to make it mean that you aren’t a good parent.  Katie Holmes won’t please everyone.  Neither will you, and that’s just fine.

There is merit being under the scrutiny of the public because it makes you think twice about what you choose to do.  When someone is watching, people tend to be more conscious of their behavior.  Before you breathe a sigh of relief that your picture is probably not going to be on the cover of a tabloid magazine, remember that you actually are in the spotlight and your actions are being monitored and studied and internalized by your adoring fans, your children.  May your words and deeds be infused with grace that your kids will return to you.

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Continue Learning

In many of my workshops I ask, “how much longer do you think you’ll be a parent?”  The response is usually “for the rest of my life”.  Then I say, “considering many of you will be parents for quite a while, how much time to you spend each week on improving your parenting skills?”  The answer is often “zero” or “a little”.

Parenting, like many other things, is a learnable skill.  If you are not feeling successful in your parenting, then do something about it and expand your knowledge.  Parents often are going on automatic and using the same parenting strategies that their parents used with them, that their parents used with them, and so on.  In my opinion, kids have changed significantly, even in the last decade or two because of the impact of media and technology.  Consequently, parenting is a whole new ballgame and new methods are needed.

Science is giving us more information on how the brain works and how children develop, especially when they spend time in front of screens (tv, computer, etc.).  When you are on top of recent developments and incorporate them into your parenting, not only will you experience greater success with your kids, you’ll feel more confident in your decisions.  You can have a more cooperative home life and feel energized to make a bigger impact in your community.

Continuing your learning is not limited to getting new information.  It also includes reviewing what you already know.  You may be familiar with a number of highly effective parenting techniques, but for some reason, you are not doing what you know.  This is probably the perfect time for you to revisit some of those teachings and focus on applying them in your life.  Every time you read something, even if you have seen it before, you are seeing it from a new perspective because you are a different person than when you saw it last.  Take advantage and take it deeper.

Let me be clear that I am not suggesting that you to run off and get a masters degree.  Keep things simple.  Take a class, join a discussion group, subscribe to a newsletter, or read a book.  You might want to make it complicated.  It’s not.  Present Parent Training even has a Parenting Webinar Series starting on Nov. 22 that parents can attend live and get the recordings.  Whatever the medium, find what works for you, and start.

Most importantly, once you get some new information, ask “how can I use this?”  Even if you only get one gem of wisdom from the book, group, or class, that gem could be the difference between you feeling frustrated and you feeling confident.

As you continue learning, you model an appetite for learning for your kids.  It will help you empathize, and when you talk about what you learned in your class, they’ll probably be more likely to tell you what they learned in theirs.

Parents, I invite you to continue your learning through your life, in parenting and other areas.  It’s helpful, and it’s fun.  Even though I am considered to be an expert in parenting, I still take classes, read books, talk to other experts, and seek deeper insights.  And after all that, if I think I know it all, I just go and spend some more time with my kids.  They have plenty to teach me.

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